I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
