Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize