So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
