she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
