You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
