i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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