It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize