I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
