Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
