Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
