About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
