You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
