While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
