You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I can text with my tongue
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
