if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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