Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize