I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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