It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
