he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
