I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
