What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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