ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
