you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize