I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
