you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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