I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize