he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
