but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
