Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
