I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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