what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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