This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
