You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
