she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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