I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
