Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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