Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I want her autograph on my taint
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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