So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Randomize
