dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
