sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Alive.
So much puke
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
