It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
