his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
