What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
