YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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