Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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