I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize