I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
