For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
