I hate all girls vehemently.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
