small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
