you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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