Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
