I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize