She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
