Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
