I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Barsexuality is the new black.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
