I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize