my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
