wrigley field is MILF paradise
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
