Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
