Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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