she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
