Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
