I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
