i barfeds in our rink
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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