I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
