fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
