??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
