Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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