Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
