At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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