I wish i was in the wii world.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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