dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
